It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
