Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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