God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
