We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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