OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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