Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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