Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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