You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
