YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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