I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
