I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
