dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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