drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
