My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
