I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
