i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
