No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
