you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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