She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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