Tell her she can't have a vagina
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
