Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
