My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
