if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i out mim tonsoeep
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
