Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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