So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
