i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
