It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
