so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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