dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
