she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
