What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
