he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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