How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
