never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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