So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
