His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
