She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
