Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Randomize
