my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
