Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
