Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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