Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
