i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
