if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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