Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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