I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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