I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize