I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
