obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
