Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Don't EVER smell your tampon
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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