Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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