Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize