if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
