oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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