In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
