you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
