he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
