Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
