So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
