after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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