Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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