can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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