i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
