Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
