what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
