Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
