and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
