Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize