Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
